Beyond the Grave
by ImtheElfsfriend
Summary: Spike is in hell! But as a punishment for being "naughty" he has to keep a diary. Read his diary here. And Review


Beyond the Grave  
  
Dear Diary,April 1, 2003  
  
Today I arrived in hell. It is a sodding hell hole here, more so then I expected from the bleeding hell gods. I feel like strangling myself. As my punishment for being a bad bad man they are making me write about my whole bloody days in this whimpy little "Diary." I even asked the sods if I could call it a journal, and they go "No-your bad. You call is a diary." I'm telling you this place gives me the creeps!  
  
Dear Diary, April 2, 2003  
Today is my second day in hell. I only have to be here for thirteen days they told me this morning. I am quite pleased. But today they gave me this bloody stupid flashbacks about how I came to be in hell for thirteen days. I don't even 'member saying "the f word." That isnt a reason to go all hellish on my ass now is it.   
  
These hell people need to give a fellow a fair chance. THen they showed me that one time I hit a racoon with my car! A lame ass racoon--a sodin' racoon. These folks are taking advantage of me! And as if that wasnt enough they even flashed back to that time when I actually did a spell to knock of Angel's bits. But hello it was'nt successful!  
  
I mean there are buddies up there murdering. They sent me to hell? Stupid hell beasts. I really am getting bloody pissed and I hate you diary. I should cast you into the fire. This whole place is a bloody fire. My bed is a fire! I could get myslef hurt in this place! Isnt there redemption for the newly souled?  
Dear Diary,April 3, 2003  
  
This place is actually becoming kind of homeish. I mean there is a lot of death, and pain and mysery, and oh please some one stalk me. I could use whiskey. Tons of whiskey. Hell, I want to bathe in a big tub of whiskey, wash my bloody hair with it. No hell I wasnt talking to you. I realize now that I said "Hell" but it is a expression, way of thinking.   
  
So, today they locked me in this room, yeah I know, lame much! Anyways, it was pouring holy water in front of the doors so bloody chance of that. In it was a picture of everyone I ever killed. Suppos'ta make me think, use my brain. I didnt think it was fair, I didnt even remember half of them. Plus, the pictures where talking! THis one picture was all like "I hate you so much, you are evil. Why did you do that."   
  
Well, yeah i am bloody evil, I ain't no bloody nun. Speaking of that this nun was all like "The devil with condemn you to hell for all eternity." I just wanted to take it and smash is on the ground, growl and say "No, you fool, Not eternity, only a short thirteen days." Imagine that huh? Wouldnt that be so great diary!   
  
I just noticed I am referring to you, diary, as a person. THis has to stop now! I am soft'n up.   
  
Dear Diary,April 4, 2003  
  
People down here arent nice!  
Dear Diary,April 4, 2003  
  
It is the same day, stupid hell beast number 4 said that I had to write more then one sentence. There this is two so that lame ass can go to hell.  
  
Dear Diary,April 5, 2003  
  
The hell beast didnt like my attitude yesterday and said if I wasnt good he would make me go into the "Missing you" room. I told him I didnt care and that he should sod off with the rest of his hell beast friends. So I went to the "Missing you" room. There they attached me to a machine, and it knew if I wasnt telling something, or if I was lieing, and then they told me to tell them everything I missed. Bloody hate those scondrels.  
  
In the end I missed Buffy, whiskey, my leather coat, Passions, and---   
  
It is too soon. It makes me whimpy. Besides Diary I dont have to tell you.  
  
Okay, i have to tell you don't I? I miss--No--I miss bloody Xander. Not in a gay way. There is no such thing as gay men, just men who havent met Buffy. Oh, BUffy!  
  
Then after that stupid thing they had like look-a-likes of people I know come and yell at me, and punch me and stuff. Giles kept on hitting me with books and saying that I was mean to Bunnies. I dont have a bloody idea where that mess came from.   
  
  
Dear Diary,April 6, 2003  
  
Last night I had a dream. I had rainbows and bunnies in it. THis hell thing is really pissing me off. Aint it supposed to make me think about bad things, not bloody peachy things.   
  
So there was this other stupid beast and he said that if i didnt shine his shoes he was going to make me share a room with another hellprisioner. I said I'd love to share. He goes then "Your supposed to be pissed off."   
  
Then it was really funny, I said, "i'd rather be pissed off then pissed on."  
  
So I have a roomate his name is Bill. He has huge boobs. Looks like a bloody women. He also smells really bad. Man do i want to bloody backstroke in whiskey now! I'd take even white bloody whine.   
  
Thats saying something. Bill is listening to April Lavine now, no no Avril. It is terrible. I make not be able to hold down my evilness enough to not say the "F word."  
More Coming Soon!!!! Review, and read my other story about Angel and Legolas called War of Immortality! 


End file.
